According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention more than 70% of reported sexual abuse cases involve juveniles. Few of the cases involve strangers. Cops say Thomas Gleason abused teenage boys on the popular BMX team he coached. Frequently, these types of crimes leave the victim with the feeling that the consequences of reporting the crime outweigh allowing the abuse to continue. Most victims don’t want to face the shame of admitting what happened. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children suggests that parents and guardians should choose opportunities or “teachable” moments to reinforce safety skills. They say if an incident occurs in your community, and your children ask you about it, speak frankly but with reassurance. Explain to your children you want to discuss the safety rules with them so they will know what to do if they are ever confronted with a difficult situation. Make sure you have “safety nets” in place, so your children know there is always someone available to help them.
Use this Q & A from NECMEC to help you talk to your kids: What are the most important things parents and guardians should know when talking to their children about this issue?
- Children from age 11-17 are equally at risk of being victimized. At the same time you are giving your older children more freedom, make sure they understand the important safety rules as well.
- When you speak to your children, do so in a calm, reassuring manner. Children don’t need to be frightened to get the point across. Fear may actually work at cross-purposes to the safety message, because fear may paralyze children.
- Speak openly about safety issues. Children will be less likely to come to you if the issue is enshrouded in secrecy. If they feel you are comfortable discussing the subject matter, they may be more forthcoming to you.
- Don’t confuse children with the concept of “strangers.” Children don’t have the same understanding of who a stranger is as an adult might. The “stranger-danger” message is not effective, as danger to children is often much greater from someone they or you know.
- Practice what you talk about. You may think your children understand your message, but until they are able to incorporate it into their daily lives, it may not be clearly understood. Find opportunities to practice “what if” scenarios.
- Teach your children it is more important to get out of a threatening situation than it is to be polite. They also need to know it is okay to tell you what happened and they won’t be a tattletale.
Check out this Safety Center video, “How to Help Someone Who Has Been Sexually Abused”.
6 Comments on "When Someone You Know Abuses Your Teen"
WomenOnGuard
I think children should be aware of this earlier. Pediphiles are a huge problem! Of course it should be talked about very carefully; to not frighten them.
Elizabeth africa johnson
good evenning mr walsh the literature on when someone you know abuses your teen is very informing and educational. my prayer is that every parent make time to read this information, thank you very much and keep up the good work.
cascade
It is more important to get out of threatening situation than it is to be polite.!!!!!:) THANK YOU.!!! We have walked our dogs, who have leashes, shots, and liesences(SP) And dorky dudes will let their pitbulls loose on us. No other type of people , or even type of dog.!? What is going on? very weird….very. We yYELL…. get your dog away before we call the police.. there is a lease law. THEY JUST LAUGH.
Mary A
My name is Mary A, and i am a mother of three girls so i am always on point on trying to keep them safe. To me it is a hurtful day in age because children are being abducted, raped, threatned, and even killed. I just want things to be looked into more thouroughly before anythying else happens, make it a better world not only for my children, but for all children.
A person from India
I think its rather one’s self realisation that should come to play. Am I doing the right thing or not ? Parents should do the initial bringing up of their children by telling them on how to report or how to react to such situations. The best and effective method is to give the treatment then and there. Shouting aloud, screaming, rejection against action, etc can be helpful. Reporting after taking care of onself is the best thing. These can happen anywhere to anyone and by anyone. The best method is to report it to at least 2 or 3 persons whom you trust. If the person known to you/family, its better to tell the things out rather than suppression, so that things dont get worse and the treatment is given then and there. so that repetetive abuse is not done. Fearing the consequences, if we try to hide this, things will get worse, and actions will only increase the tension within the victim.
Be sure to take the right decision and guide your children against the worst people on earth!
Anna
I had the “talk” with my children very early, I started when they were about 2. There was a very well written episode of Sesame Street about when hugs don’t feel right and that started the discussion. I also never forced or asked my kids to kiss everyone. When you do this and they aren’t comfortable with it, it sends them mixed messages. I hate when I hear mothers telling their kids to kiss strangers and insisting on it when the child objects.
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