When Someone You Know Abuses Your Teen

According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention more than 70% of reported sexual abuse cases involve juveniles. Few of the cases involve strangers. Cops say Thomas Gleason abused teenage boys on the popular BMX team he coached. Frequently, these types of crimes leave the victim with the feeling that the consequences of reporting the crime outweigh allowing the abuse to continue. Most victims don’t want to face the shame of admitting what happened. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children suggests that parents and guardians should choose opportunities or “teachable” moments to reinforce safety skills. They say if an incident occurs in your community, and your children ask you about it, speak frankly but with reassurance. Explain to your children you want to discuss the safety rules with them so they will know what to do if they are ever confronted with a difficult situation. Make sure you have “safety nets” in place, so your children know there is always someone available to help them.

Use this Q & A from NECMEC to help you talk to your kids: What are the most important things parents and guardians should know when talking to their children about this issue?

• Children from age 11-17 are equally at risk of being victimized. At the same time you are giving your older children more freedom, make sure they understand the important safety rules as well.
• When you speak to your children, do so in a calm, reassuring manner. Children don’t need to be frightened to get the point across. Fear may actually work at cross-purposes to the safety message, because fear may paralyze children.
• Speak openly about safety issues. Children will be less likely to come to you if the issue is enshrouded in secrecy. If they feel you are comfortable discussing the subject matter, they may be more forthcoming to you.
• Don’t confuse children with the concept of “strangers.” Children don’t have the same understanding of who a stranger is as an adult might. The “stranger-danger” message is not effective, as danger to children is often much greater from someone they or you know.
• Practice what you talk about. You may think your children understand your message, but until they are able to incorporate it into their daily lives, it may not be clearly understood. Find opportunities to practice “what if” scenarios.
• Teach your children it is more important to get out of a threatening situation than it is to be polite. They also need to know it is okay to tell you what happened and they won’t be a tattletale.

Check out this Safety Center video, “How to Help Someone Who Has Been Sexually Abused”.